Get Comfortable with Being Unfamiliar: A Key to Personal Growth

We've all heard the phrase, "If you're going to grow, you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable." It's not a bad phrase, but there’s a better one. I want to share what it is and why it matters so much for personal growth and leadership development.

The Problem with "Uncomfortable"

The word "uncomfortable" sets off an alarm in us. When our body is uncomfortable, it's like a red flag waving, saying, "Check your foot!" It signals our system and psyche that something isn't right. Naturally, we want to get comfortable again. That’s our first response as humans—we don't love being uncomfortable.

The Power of "Unfamiliar"

So, if the word "uncomfortable" doesn't encourage a growth mindset, what word might serve us better? When we are growing, we’re in a new place, somewhere we've never been before. We label it "uncomfortable," like a scratchy sweater. But what if, instead of saying, "I'm so uncomfortable," we said, "This is so unfamiliar"?

The word "uncomfortable" focuses on how we're feeling and how to fix it or resist it. But if we want to grow and we’ve decided we’re uncomfortable, we end up putting all this energy into resisting the urge to get comfortable. If we can look at the situation and say, "This is unfamiliar," we shift our focus. We’re not dwelling on what’s missing, what we’re doing wrong, or how negative it feels. We’re forward-facing: "This is unfamiliar. I need to get more familiar."

Labeling our experience as "uncomfortable" gives us a bunch of negative options and can lead us down rabbit holes that drain our productive energy. But recognizing that we’re in the midst of change and it’s unfamiliar opens up positive, forward-moving options: let’s explore, how can I get more familiar? Replacing "uncomfortable" with "unfamiliar" empowers us instead of putting us in a negative mindset that says we have something to overcome.

Embrace Unfamiliarity for Personal Growth

Being in an unfamiliar place is normal and understandable, so we’re less judgmental about ourselves, and it’s far less scary. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable, and the thought of it often triggers fear. I’m not saying that growth is always comfortable. But we can choose to assess where we’re at and decide: am I truly uncomfortable, or is this just unfamiliar? This gives us an opportunity to reframe our situation.

Here’s an example. I worked with someone recently promoted who said, "I’m not comfortable being a leader." Well, you’re not comfortable being a leader because you’ve never been a leader. It’s not about comfort; it’s about familiarity. When we give ourselves permission to explore an unfamiliar situation, just like we would in a new town or city, we open up new possibilities.

Another example: "I’m uncomfortable speaking in front of groups of people." That’s one way to look at it. But you could also say, "I’m unfamiliar with doing it because I’ve never done it." If you’ve done it a thousand times and you’re still uncomfortable, that’s legit. I’m not saying you’ll never be uncomfortable when growing. I’m saying that shifting our default to "this is new and unfamiliar" is a more positive starting point.

Let’s consider walking into a new department at work. You might say, "I’m uncomfortable with the procedures here." Are you uncomfortable with the procedures, or are you unfamiliar with them? If it’s truly discomfort, maybe there’s a legitimate issue. But if it’s unfamiliarity, then exploring and learning will help you grow.

The Power of Swapping Words

So, that’s the swap: like when I did Weight Watchers and learned to swap out unhealthy ingredients for healthier ones. Swap "uncomfortable" for "unfamiliar" and see how it impacts your approach to change. Ask yourself, "What would happen if?" and give it a try. This practice develops our resilience muscles and helps us get unstuck.

Now, I don’t have the strongest history of being an athlete. But not too long ago, a friend and I signed up for an Extreme Inflatable 5K. I dusted off my athletic shoes and started to run. About three seconds in, my toe started to bother me. It was uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to be a baby, so I carried on.

An Inflatable 5K involves giant moon-walk devices, big inflated tunnels, and giant slides. Eventually, I forgot about my toe and finished the race. Whoo hoo, we got our free t-shirt and sat down. When I took off my shoe, I realized I no longer had a big toenail. I should have listened when I was uncomfortable. Doing something new and uncomfortable, I should have investigated further. I got too comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Conclusion

So, remember, when you’re in a new situation, ask yourself: am I uncomfortable, or is this just unfamiliar? This mindset shift can lead to more positive outcomes and help you reach your goals. Try it and see what happens when you reframe "I’m uncomfortable" to "This is unfamiliar."